my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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