im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
