okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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