Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
