last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
