I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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