I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
