You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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