i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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