you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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