you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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