Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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