i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
