[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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