bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Welp...herpes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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