Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
