I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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