I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
