Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
