im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Green mimosas i think yes
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize