I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
