i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
