Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
