Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
