Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
