i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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