Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
