Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
