She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
