I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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