Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
