He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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