i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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