I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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