like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
