I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize