Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
