I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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