would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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