so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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