in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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