I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
its liver damage thursday
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
