the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
