mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
