Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
