Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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