I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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