I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
