Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize