I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
