I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
