Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
