Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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