I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
