So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
