real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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