Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize