I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
