I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
40s are totally the cure
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Two words: nipple clamps
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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