Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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