i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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