I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
