i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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