idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
