It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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