I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize