I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
