that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
