I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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