You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize