I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
