Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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