I faked an abortion last night.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
