for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize