No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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