Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
