YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
