Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
