His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
