Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
