You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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