My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
