I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
