He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
