i really wish james franco would like my vagina
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
