you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
