he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
