I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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