yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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