she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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