Your dad touched me again.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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