Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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