Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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