dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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