When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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