Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
