i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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