the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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