Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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