I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
