I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
