hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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